So Long Dear Friend

I have written 3 blogs about our trip to Disney, it was a wonderful trip. However, the first evening that we were there I received word that the mother of my dear friends, Lisa & Kristina had passed away after a heroic battle with leukemia. Her funeral was two days before we got home so I missed saying goodbye to her. I would like to just tell you a little bit about her and what an impression she had on my life.

When Lisa and I opened up our store 2 and half years ago I really didn't know her mom, Inger very well. What I did know was that she was a dear woman that was always willing to help, she was the type of person that would give you the shirt off her back even if she didn't know you very well. As the months went by she would often swing by the store and would help us however we needed it. During those times and the numerous birthday parties I got to know Inger very well. She was such a good time to be around. My favorite moment I spent with Inger was washing the windows on a sunny spring afternoon. She was really good at washing windows! LOL, I don't think our windows will ever be that clean again! We are a little baffled by how she got them that clean! We were chatting about music, this is when I found out that Inger loved the Beatles. Her older brother, to whom she was very close to, had introduced her to the Fab 5 and she was hooked to that day. She spoke of her brother with such a tenderness, she told me a lot about him that day and ended it with how he had passed away. That was it, the end of the story, no further explanation of how he died, when, nothing, just the end. So Inger. We had a moment that day, and I felt very close to her, we had covered all bases. We had discussed family, music, a little politics and death. We had crossed a threshold, we now knew a few intimate details of one anothers lives, and it was awesome.

In July I wrote a blog entitled “Reflection”. This was in response to Inger being diagnosed with leukemia. It rocked all of our worlds, especially of course her daughters lives. Friends, I have seen a lot of things in my life. I have witnessed people having to deal with all sorts of life changing situations. I have seen some people rise to the occasion and do the right thing, I have seen some run and hide and others I have seen turn their backs and ignore the situation at hand completely. These women are incredible. Not for one moment did these girls leave their mother alone. Someone was with her at all times from July through February, 24 hours a day 7 days a week. In every hospital room, during every holiday, birthday and celebration they were by her side. They made me want to be a better daughter and just a better human being in general. They were amazing in their care and love for their mother. Then I realized of course this is the way they would react, look at their teacher.

Here is what I learned most from Inger.

• Love your family, even when they drive you crazy.
• Be true to yourself.
• Don't let the small stuff, or small minded people bother you.
• Homemade Meatballs work for any get together.
• Life is short, be happy.
• Be kind.
• Fight hard for the things worth fighting for.
• Support those you love
• Help people who need help, even if they don't know that they need it.
• Always do the right thing, always.

Goodbye my friend, rest assured you touched my life and you helped me look at life a little differently, in a more positive light. I am a better person for knowing you, I will miss you every day and especially every time I eat a meatball.

Reflection

Recently, I have been forced to reflect heavily on my life. Every aspect. There are times like this in everyone’s life I think when you take stock, if you will, of what is really important, what isn’t, what relationship you need to work on, which relationships you are grateful to have, which ones you have to walk away from. These times are usually brought on upon when a life change either happens to me or when I witness something huge happening to friends or family members. It can though, occur in the car, watching tv or maybe even when just reading a blog because you are bored at work.

In my life I have been blessed and I am not quiet about it. I am so incredibly grateful for the life that my husband and I have built together, the wonderful amazing children we have, the wonderful mother I have, for the dear friends that stick by us no matter what, my in-laws, EVERYTHING. Too often though I find myself getting wrapped up in the he said she said garbage, I become oversensitive to situations and the way that people act towards me, I forget what’s important. Then again, what is important?

Important is life, the life you are living right now, that is what’s important. What else? Look past the obvious, of course your kids are important but what about them is important. Do you think of that very often? I get so caught up in the day to day I forget to look & reflect on what is important about them or about the situation. "Important" is your definition and yours alone don't be fooled by thinking that your "important" needs to follow someone elses.

As you are figuring out what important is, it is vital that you realize that you won’t get these moments back, share them, cherish them. You only get this one life. Remember that, you get one shot at it so have fun, tell people how you feel about them. My step-father happened to be an older man, 20 years my mothers senior, he passed away very young, his friends though, my mothers friends for 20+ years, the people I grew up with, are now starting to have serious health problems & some have also passed away. A year or 2 ago I saw someone at a funeral that really touched my life and I had really never told them how special their family was to me. I vowed that night I would sit down and write a letter just saying thank you for always making me feel special. I still haven’t done it. Shame on me.

Reach out to those you have lost touch with, reestablish old ties IF and only IF they make you happy. Know when to walk away, don’t make a big deal about it, just realize that you are growing in different directions, chances are you will once again grow together. Make a difference in someone’s life, thank someone for making a difference in yours. Be happy, but most importantly be true to yourself.

I know resolutions are for January but I hope that I gave you something to think about. I think I am going to go write a letter to an old friend.

The Joy of Babysitters & Couple Time

My husband and I made a commitment to eachother when we were pregnant with our oldest daughter that we would make time for one another. It was one of our biggest fears of becoming parents that we would not spend the amount of time together that we used to. When Millie was a month old, I pumped a bunch of breast milk , packed up her bassinet and took her over to my mothers house so that we could go out to dinner. With all 5 of our kids we have gone out to dinner at week 4 or 1 month old, so regularly you could set your watch by it. When Deano came along I was in a show where I was surrounded by a ton of College girls. One of which was a Penn State Gymnast, Genevieve. She was one of the first non family members that watched my kiddos. She watched them for 2 years and then past us on to another gymnast when she graduated, and she past on to another who is still with us today. Gena , Lindsay and Brandi have been wonderful role models and have had lasting impressions on my kids.

In the meantime when Millie started dancing 4 years ago, we met our main core babysitters at the dance studio. These girls, who are sisters, started with us when the oldest sister, Brittney was 16 and then her sister Madison started with us 2 years later and now we are waiting for Leah to start with us, I am guessing in the fall. Now, I can see some of you out there reading this with raised eyebrows thinking, I cannot believe that she would leave all of her children with a 16 year old. All of these girls are incredibly responsible, they ADORE children, they are very thoughtful and I am sure that you have heard the term “it takes a village”? Well, when you have one girl baby-sit 9 times out of 10 they bring a friend. How awesome is that? OR in my very fortunate case they take my kids to their house and their family is a very warm and involved family so there is always someone around. My kids LOVE it. Often Patrick and I joke that they have this entire separate family, its crazy. Most importantly we usually don’t go any where that we can’t get home within 15 minutes. Unless we go out of town, but that is another blog!

Last year Madison & her friend Megan (who also sits for us) came to the beach with us. This year Brittney and a friend of hers are coming with us. If you are able to take a babysitter with you on vacation, do it! You will never know the stress it takes off of you. Beach time for us is truly family time. I don’t want you to get the impression that we are off flitting around every night while the kids are stuck in the house with the babysitter. That is the furthest from the truth. Last year it took Maddie and Megan to say to us “Get Out!”.

We went out once, maybe twice but it was late night and the kids had gone to or were getting ready for bed. What makes taking a sitter with us great is the extra help it gives us in the morning when we are getting ready to go to the beach. Or when its bath time, one can wash while the other dries, giving the other parent some down time. It makes it a real vacation. It is also so nice to get to know these girls who you entrust your children with on a personal level. I would strongly suggest always offer them to bring a friend along. Meet the friend first, maybe even have the friend baby-sit along with your normal sitter. The friend is a vital part of the vacation. This way your babysitter doesn’t feel like the odd man out during family time. This is definitely taking the whole babysitting thing to the next level, but it is really truly worth it.

I am spoiled, spoiled beyond belief. My core babysitters along with their family, in particular their mother, love my children and treat them like their own. I know this is rare but I would like to offer some advice on babysitters. GET ONE! If you have family around that loves to take your kids whenever you need them to then that’s great! My family would in a heartbeat but the biggest issue with all of us are our schedules, they are a little crazy at times. So,if you don’t have the family connection then find yourself a good babysitter. I suggest looking at dance studios or any organized sport. These types of activities usually demand responsibility which then trickles down to you. Also, if your children attend daycare, ask the directors or even your childs teacher if they would be interested. This is a great resource because they have had additional training and a background check! Now, all of this is well and good advice but there may be one question plaguing you at the moment though, and that question may be, why?

Well here is why, in my mind at least, you need time for yourself and for your relationship with your spouse. A lot of times when kids get added to the mix we forget a lot of things. We forget to shower, we forget to clean the bathroom, we forget to nurture the relationships that lead you to having children in the first place! Reconnecting should not be left to do only on Anniversaries and when you feel like your relationship is in trouble. Now, I am not saying that every date needs to be rose petals and expensive meals. I have friends that I run into at the grocery store on their “date”, I have other friends that meet for coffee once a week before work after the kids are dropped off at daycare. It doesn’t matter how you do it or where you do it, just as long as you both put down work and the responsibilities of child rearing and focus on one another.

I assure you that once you do this the quality of your relationship is greatly enhanced. Patrick and I a lot of times use these dinners out to strategize. There are a lot of things to discuss about your kids that you probably shouldn’t talk about in front of them. Like how are we going to curb certain habits, what are we going to get them for their birthdays, things like that. Sometimes though, we just need a break and that’s when we start texting to see who can help us out. A lot of parents worry about how they will be perceived or how their children will react, or that they are performing a disservice to their children by taking “couple or me time” You will not be thought less of for relaxing, just because you are parents does not mean that you have to give up everything you do for yourself. Trust me there are times when our kids need time away from us as much as we do from them. Its really amazing that we will come back and both of us (kids & parents) have reset. We have more patience with them and they respond more willingly to our requests. Just be smart about it and like everything, exercise moderation. One last note and I will hop off my soapbox, it important to remember, that without the relationship you shared with your spouse prior to you having children, there would be no children. So, it is so important that you take care of it!

Now that it is summer and with me working, we have come to depend on our babysitters more than ever. We love them all like our family and we would be seriously lost without them. To them, Madison, Brittney, Megan, Emily & Brandi, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts. To those of you reading this I hope that you will be blessed enough to find yourself wonderful babysitters like we have.

PS-The Pictures are all from our trip to Cape May last year. Madison is the brunette, Megan is the blonde. We ended up referring to them as our twins, this has stuck for us and for them. Personally, I LOVE it!

Timely "Episodes"

Avalina Elise

Days 7-10

I think it is absolutely amazing how quickly 10 days can go by when you have a newborn. I just want to make time stop so that I can catch my breath. I am quickly learning that with a family that has 5 children time can be a reclusive cousin that you only see once every 10-15 years! There are those moments though, as few as they are where time does stand still and you realize that life is truly good.

Ava, is a great baby. I hate to brag, but I will she is amazing. She does everything a newborn should do, she eats, sleeps, poops, & cries only when one of the other things is affecting her. She is filling out although her legs are SO skinny! Right now she is all legs and she has the longest fingers I have ever seen on an infant. Perhaps she will be the concert pianist that Patrick has always wanted. Only time will tell…There’s that word again, time.

Nothing really crazy has happened in the last 3 days, unless of course you consider my “episode” as note worthy news. I am an extremely outgoing person. I LOVE meeting new people and I adore being invited to parties and hanging out with friends, showing off my family and just having a really good time in general. Apparently this is true for all times except 8 days after having a baby. We were invited to a party on Saturday for one of our dear friends’ birthdays. They are very chill and lovely people and their friends really do reflect that. They were cooking out, there were kids there my kids’ age, and there was Frisbee and a huge yard for the kids to run around in, sounds like the makings of a very relaxing and beautiful time right? Well, apparently miss social butterfly, aka me, could not handle all the people. I have never experienced anything like this in my life. One minute I am sitting there having a conversation, the next minute I am having full blown panic attacks because I can't figure out how to get my entire family together in the case that aliens start attacking! Ok maybe that’s a little over the top but you get the idea. I was a wreck an absolute wreck. What was also interesting were people were saying “I can’t believe you’re here”. In my paranoia that made me question if I had done something wrong by coming. I know now that there was absolutely nothing hidden in that statement, people just couldn’t believe that I was brave enough (ha ha) to commit to a party like that. The truth was, I had no business being there. My psyche is still way to fragile to be exposed to a group of people that I hardly know. Luckily, there were 4 good friends there to keep me from completely jumping out of my skin, my kids had an absolute blast, and I got to be a part of the celebration. Those were the positives that came out of it. Still, as soon as I was in the safe hold of my home and my kids were happily playing the backyard and sweet Ava was asleep, I cried my eyes out for about 45 minutes. My poor poor amazingly supportive husband had to endure it, this was a rough one. There was really no rhyme nor reason to the tears, just a little embarrassment, a thought of will I ever be back to my old self again, and am I now the laughing stock of all our friends because I made a poor choice. Goodness, I hope not!

Here is the deal though, I think a lot of times new moms are terrified that they are going to miss out on something because we just had a baby and our obligation is to that baby. Yet, we forget that we also have an obligation to keep ourselves sane as well. I have to tell myself that it is ok to sit out of some parties, its ok not to be in the center of everything. If you know me, you know that is very, very hard for me! Does this go deeper though? Perhaps it does. Another issue of having a larger family is not being included in things that we were once included in. Lets face it, if you invite our family over we are a party in and of ourselves. When you include us in a party setting, you are inviting 7 people, that’s a lot. I understand that but over the last few years I have noticed our dance card has not been as full as it once was, and when you are as social as Patrick and I are it can be a little hard to take at times. So maybe, that had a little something to do with my snap decision on Saturday to attend that party. Not only did I not want to miss out on being a part of the celebration but I also wanted to feel included.

In the end though, the positives of having a larger family, in my mind, definitely outweigh the negatives. It all goes back to those moments that stop time and you know that you are truly blessed and you are doing exactly what you should be doing.

The First of Many Challenges with 5......

Avalina Elise

Days 4-6

I would have to say that the biggest challenge for us over the last few days have been our “Littles”. To be expected right? They are little, they don’t quite grasp the concept of “just hang in there a few weeks and everything will return to normal”. Or become the “new normal” which just seems normal because this is just what we do now! Our 3 year old has a mind of her own, will not listen to anyone to save her life and is now teaching our sweet little 2 year old how to behave very badly. They are like little tornados, whirlwinds, hurricanes, earthquakes and any other natural disaster you can think of! I think that once we get a handle on that (Ha! Ha!) the family should be in full swing. Our “Bigs” have taken it all in stride. Millie had a few adjustments, she was worried about me, she saw and understood that I was not feeling well the last part of my pregnancy. I think she also worried about her role in the family. Once she saw it was business as usual just with an extra little person hanging around, she has been really good. Of course we are dealing with the usual not listening, “they know better then the parents” etc issues of life. For the most part we have been really very blessed with our kids and their behavior…. Although, Celeste really does go against the grain in everything! I promise this will not be the last time you hear about her!

So the freak out that we have had over the last day and a half has been our car situation. We currently have a Dodge Grand Caravan, bought 3 ½ years ago when we had Celeste. It was a big jump to do the whole “mini van” thing. We had previously made some very poor automobile choices prior to this which made us upside down in our current car loan. In short we have to stay in this vehicle until Millie is old enough to drive it!

So there is the background, here is the freak out. Car seats! Sure, I have a van that seats 7 right? Wrong! Unless you take out the 4 car seats that we have to have, otherwise, we have a ¼ of a seat left for Millie to sit in since she is the only one not in a car seat. What it comes down to is that we need an 8 passenger vehicle. Well, crap! So, as Patrick and I tend to do we frantically ran around to every dealership we could find locally looking for the perfect car to handle our entire family. We found one, but its not what we wanted. What we want is way out of our reach right now so we would be settling and that is really something that we are not wanting to do. So after a lot of freaking out, a little research and some deep thought, we found 2 booster seats that are a little smaller in width then the others. They will fit in the back and then Millie will have her own captain’s chair in the first row. So, for now, everyone is safe and has their own seat! Who knew car seats would pose as one of the many challenges that we have with the number of children that we have? Not the last I am sure!

As for Avalina, she is getting acclimated to this big world very well. She LOVES to be held which is just fine with us. As a matter of fact, she is curled up in my lap as I type this. I am becoming a wiz at typing with only one hand. She lost a little too much weight after she left the hospital so we had a follow up weight check today and she is doing great. She is so beautiful and sweet, I promise to get a picture or 2 up here very soon. I think one of the most special moments you can share with your child is in the first few months when they aren’t distracted by other things. You are their main focal point, you are their main source of entertainment. I believe this is the time that bonds you, that you fall in love over and over and over again. As parents, we tend to get bogged down with what went wrong, what went right, we forget these little things, like gazing into the eyes of a 6 day old for hours on end. It really is a beautiful thing.

What Has Happened?

Hello!

I have been reading on my Facebook page lately people posting things like " what has happened to customer service?" & "where have all the nice people gone?" My family and I were shown first hand that these posts are mild compared to what is actually happening out there this time of year. Let me be the first to tell you, its down right scary! Allow me to share.

We went to the grocery store on Saturday. This is usually a great family event! LOL, as funny as it seems it really is! The Littles love riding in the car-cart, the Bigs love helping and they have found that if they show an interest in something they usually get it! I think its a great way to have the whole family involved with a household chore. Now, we do get looks. We have a very large family by todays standards. People really do stare us down. The first few people to stare really makes me laugh, after that I take the:

"Take a picture it will last longer" approach...hehehe I never said I was nice! I was in a pretty good mood this day though and I really needed a good day so I was determined to make it a good day regardless of anyone I came into contact with!

Anyway, our trip to the store started out with a major bonus. It was sample day! SCORE! Millie and I were in heaven! They had little stations set up and everything! However, we did notice that it was crazy crowded so Patrick and I took the "you go get this and I will eat and the I will go get that and then you can eat" tactic. It worked for about 10 minutes, then the surge of people got to be so great that we just had to get going on our shopping list. From the minute we left the prepared foods area we saw that we were in store for a little adventure.

People were zipping around that store like it was on fire. It was like a survival game. We were pulling our Bigs out of the way of people that were simply not going to stop, they were practically running with their carts pulling things off the shelves at incredible speeds. I don't know if you ever watched the show Super Market Sweep back in the 90's, if you did, it was like that. Not only were they going at alarming rates but they still gawked at the huge family making its way down the aisle. A very dangerous thing to do! I had 2 favorite moments. The first was this woman with one of those little carts, she was zipping and I mean zipping around, every time we rounded a corner she zipped past us so fast there was a "gush" of wind that made our hair fly up. We had several close calls with my oldest daughter who would bend down to get something off the shelf and we would feel the air change around us, realizing this just in time to pull Millie out of the way! (I really wish I was over exaggerating...) My second favorite moment was when I, trying to be conscious of the other people around me at checkout, put my cart against the wall out of everyones way. Of course this was not good enough for one girl who decided that while I was putting a bag in my cart, that I was not moving fast enough for her. She literally pinned my 6 month pregnant belly against my cart pushing hers so that it scraped my back. UNBELIEVABLE! I was so stressed out when I left the store I was shaking. On the upside, my kids, were angles.

What has happened to people? Do we reserve this kind of awful behavior specifically for this time of year or is it what we have become all of the time? My mom calls this the rude season. I have to agree. I have witnessed so many near misses in the parking lots in the last 2 weeks, people getting cutoff on the roads, purposefully blocking entrances to stores. The customer service industry is really on shakey ground as well. You would think that with way the economy is now people would A-be grateful for the jobs that they have & B-the companies that they work for would want to keep their customers happy.

So I would suggest, slow down. Take a breath. The item you want will still be there in the 10 seconds it takes that family of 6 to get out of your way. Give yourself time, get plenty of rest, grab a coffee, plug into your IPOD & make your shopping experience fun. If it still gets you down and you feel like you would rather drink raw eggs, then shop online or my personal favorite go grocery shopping or do your big box store shopping after 10pm (don't forget your IPOD it keeps the "crazeys" away). Remember that this is the season for giving and remind yourself of that wonderful golden rule, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you". Its important and you will have a much more satisfying experience if you do this. Even though the chances are slim that people will follow the same advice.

Hang in there!

Be Merry and May Happiness Find You Always!

Regina