I think it is absolutely amazing how quickly 10 days can go by when you have a newborn. I just want to make time stop so that I can catch my breath. I am quickly learning that with a family that has 5 children time can be a reclusive cousin that you only see once every 10-15 years! There are those moments though, as few as they are where time does stand still and you realize that life is truly good.
Ava, is a great baby. I hate to brag, but I will she is amazing. She does everything a newborn should do, she eats, sleeps, poops, & cries only when one of the other things is affecting her. She is filling out although her legs are SO skinny! Right now she is all legs and she has the longest fingers I have ever seen on an infant. Perhaps she will be the concert pianist that Patrick has always wanted. Only time will tell…There’s that word again, time.
Nothing really crazy has happened in the last 3 days, unless of course you consider my “episode” as note worthy news. I am an extremely outgoing person. I LOVE meeting new people and I adore being invited to parties and hanging out with friends, showing off my family and just having a really good time in general. Apparently this is true for all times except 8 days after having a baby. We were invited to a party on Saturday for one of our dear friends’ birthdays. They are very chill and lovely people and their friends really do reflect that. They were cooking out, there were kids there my kids’ age, and there was Frisbee and a huge yard for the kids to run around in, sounds like the makings of a very relaxing and beautiful time right? Well, apparently miss social butterfly, aka me, could not handle all the people. I have never experienced anything like this in my life. One minute I am sitting there having a conversation, the next minute I am having full blown panic attacks because I can't figure out how to get my entire family together in the case that aliens start attacking! Ok maybe that’s a little over the top but you get the idea. I was a wreck an absolute wreck. What was also interesting were people were saying “I can’t believe you’re here”. In my paranoia that made me question if I had done something wrong by coming. I know now that there was absolutely nothing hidden in that statement, people just couldn’t believe that I was brave enough (ha ha) to commit to a party like that. The truth was, I had no business being there. My psyche is still way to fragile to be exposed to a group of people that I hardly know. Luckily, there were 4 good friends there to keep me from completely jumping out of my skin, my kids had an absolute blast, and I got to be a part of the celebration. Those were the positives that came out of it. Still, as soon as I was in the safe hold of my home and my kids were happily playing the backyard and sweet Ava was asleep, I cried my eyes out for about 45 minutes. My poor poor amazingly supportive husband had to endure it, this was a rough one. There was really no rhyme nor reason to the tears, just a little embarrassment, a thought of will I ever be back to my old self again, and am I now the laughing stock of all our friends because I made a poor choice. Goodness, I hope not!
Here is the deal though, I think a lot of times new moms are terrified that they are going to miss out on something because we just had a baby and our obligation is to that baby. Yet, we forget that we also have an obligation to keep ourselves sane as well. I have to tell myself that it is ok to sit out of some parties, its ok not to be in the center of everything. If you know me, you know that is very, very hard for me! Does this go deeper though? Perhaps it does. Another issue of having a larger family is not being included in things that we were once included in. Lets face it, if you invite our family over we are a party in and of ourselves. When you include us in a party setting, you are inviting 7 people, that’s a lot. I understand that but over the last few years I have noticed our dance card has not been as full as it once was, and when you are as social as Patrick and I are it can be a little hard to take at times. So maybe, that had a little something to do with my snap decision on Saturday to attend that party. Not only did I not want to miss out on being a part of the celebration but I also wanted to feel included.
In the end though, the positives of having a larger family, in my mind, definitely outweigh the negatives. It all goes back to those moments that stop time and you know that you are truly blessed and you are doing exactly what you should be doing.